By Nicole Danielle

Sustainability and Love

I’m writing this blog article in honour of Earth Day. But, truly, it’s applicable any day of the year. Sustainability is a word often thrown around in reference to eco-friendly practices and products. But sustainability is also a concept that is applicable to our selves. We have to follow sustainable practices for our own health and love life. Sustaining love, especially in long term relationships, can sometimes be a challenge.

So, in this post, I’m sharing ways to sustain your romantic love as well as ways to enhance it with sustainable practices, from sexting and lingerie to marital aids and eco-friendly “accessories.”

A Little Preamble

A couple of years ago, I realized my romantic life with my husband had hit the doldrums. And it was starting to negatively impact the overall intimacy of our relationship — including the emotional aspects. At first I assumed it was because of the longterm nature of our relationship as we had been married for over 10 years at that point and together for longer than that. Then I pondered if it was because we were both just getting older and losing our libido. I decided to ask him his thoughts on the matter. (If there’s one thing we harp on here at Romance on the Rocks, it’s communication.)

I asked him what he felt had affected our relationship most over the years and I was surprised when he said my early menopause. I hadn’t considered its impact on our relationship but I knew instantly he wasn’t wrong. He has always been understanding and empathetic with my untimely health changes. But I had finished menopause by the time I was just 36 and it had absolutely quashed my sexual desire, increasingly so, over time.

I had been so wrapped up in the changes in my body and health that the change in our sex life just had not been a focus for me. Hearing him say out loud it had affected him too in a variety of ways was truly eye opening. So, when he went on his annual fishing trip to Canada, I was determined to stoke the home fires and fan the flames of desire for both of us.

Hormones to Get the Groove Back

This was not a simple task and involved multiple facets. I took a chance and tried out By Winona. For the first time in my life I felt like my post-menopause was actually being taken seriously and there was hope. While I didn’t lose any weight and had the joy of going through acne all over again, I did find my body became less achy and sore and I had a renewed interest in sex. I actually was starting to feel horny again for the first time in years. (This is the sustainable body part I was talking about.)

Lovely Lingerie to Feel Sexy

The next step was lingerie. My bookish biddy old body with it’s plump pear shape needs inclusive sizing. And Victoria’s Secret was not cutting it anymore. Not with these hips. I joyfully discovered Adore Me. While I did try their subscription service for a time, I find I prefer to just order items as needed. I absolute love that they have larger sizes that accommodate luscious ladies like me and they have several items that help me feel sexy even with a body previously ravaged by pregnancy and childbirth. (One of my favorite lingerie pieces is the Tiah which hides my tummy — the body part I am most self-conscious about.) Additionally, Adore Me has a wonderful sustainability program which you can read more about here.

The Time Honoured Tradition of Sexting

While hubby was away, I also decided to relive our early dating days with a little sexting. Okay, it ended up being a lot of sexting. To an almost obnoxious level. But we both had fun with it and it was definitely rekindling the romance for both of us. And no paper was used in our communications. Talk about eco-friendly.

Introducing … Eco-Friendly Accessories aka Marital Aids (or Adult Toys)

With those elements in place, I wondered how else we could spice things up. After over a decade in love, there wasn’t a whole lot we hadn’t already tried or done repeatedly in the bedroom. Except for toys. I must tell you, I had never once used them — not in either of my marriages. I had never used a vibrator or dildo. It honestly completely freaked me out. And I am not a fan of shoving gross plastic containing who-knows-what chemicals or cold, hard glass into my orifices. (Though, technically, glass can be eco-friendly.)

I needed information to see if this was something I was ready to change my mind on. So, of course, I went to my dear bestie who was an absolute angel and explained things to me and provided me with a much needed rudimentary knowledge on the topic. We discussed the different materials available. I wasn’t loving the options. So I did some research and found The Natural Love Company. Oh my word.

Their company motto is “F**ck yourself. Not the planet.” And I love it. A sustainable company with eco-friendly products, The Natural Love Company is a diamond in the rough in the world of accessories/marital aids (aka adult sex toys). The Company offers lots of great deals and you can customize a “hamper” with some items to get you started, which is what I did for my first order. I had hubby take a look at the site as well and we picked out items we felt we would be comfortable with into our first foray into this new realm.

We talked about what we would try first when he returned home and that got us both pretty excited. His return home was a very happy reunion, indeed. And we continue to incorporate these marital aids as the mood strikes us. We’re still learning and exploring our comfort levels (you know, for science) but the exploration continues to keep our bedroom life charged and renewed. And we could not be happier.

If you’re interested in trying out some romance-inspiring items for yourself or as a couple, I have a list of items here I think are a nice starting point. The Natural Love Company has a sizable catalog to choose from so if you’re more experienced and bold, you may enjoy checking out their other selections here.

Eco-Friendly Marital Aids (aka Sex Toys) from The Natural Love Co.

1. Kanuka Handcuffs

Yes, I am diving right into the bondage with the Kanuka Handcuffs. This was one of the items where I felt wouldn’t be too big of a stretch as a newcomer to the marital aid arena. These are made from natural hemp jute and surprisingly soft. They’re also super easy to get in and out of. You can use them to connect hands and feet or, if you’re old like me and not so bendy anymore, you can attach one end to your best post or frame. Even if you’re not big into BDSM, I find this to be a nice option for gentle bondage and a little roleplaying.

And I do think it’s important to be both comfortable and have an easy escape. No one wants rope burns or their circulation cut off. These are $49.95 but are discounted when you add them to a “hamper” or bundle.

2. Amyris Weighted Kegel Love Balls

Next up on my list are the Amyris Weighted Kegel Love Balls. This set of three weighted Kegel balls serves two purposes: 1) help women strengthen their pelvic floor muscles, and 2) help get you in the mood. If you’ve given birth or are feeling the weight of gravity on your aging body, you probably understand the need for building those pelvic floor muscles. I had considered trying Kegel balls (also known as Ben Wa balls) before for those exact reasons. But fear and lack of understanding kept me from doing so. I eventually did order a set from another site and braved trying them but they were not great. And I will leave it at that.

These are so much better. They are soft and buttery and not an obnoxious size or weirdly constructed. I also appreciate there are three different options depending on your comfort level and muscle strengthening journey. Get your exercises done or use them as a prelude to an interlude with your special someone. The $49.95 price point is also pretty on par with similar available product sets.

3. Boronia Flexible & Slim Cock Ring

This was also an appealing option for us as a couple. Easy for hubby to put on and not “invasive” on my receiving end. This goes above and beyond a “typical” ring in that it vibrates with a variety of settings. The Boronia Ring is a nice option for first time forays into marital aids. It’s a little pricey at $74.95 but you can get it discounted by adding it to a “hamper” or bundle.

4. and 5. Elemi Bullet Vibrator + Dill G-Curve Dildo

I’m putting these two together because they should be. Just looking at the Elemi may leave you feeling a little wanting. It is quite small and nothing amazing to look at. And the Dill on its own looks so sad and pale green and floppy … not exactly inspiring lusty thoughts. What I didn’t initially know is you can insert it into the Dill. This ups the game for both items and is a match made in heaven. A happy discovery if you will. The Elemi has different vibration settings so you can choose which works best for you. The Dill is soft, flexible and buttery and of a reasonable (although slightly girth-y) size.

The Elemi comes with a charging cable and it’s made from recycled ocean plastic. So you’ll feel good about the planet … and it. The Elemis is $39.95. The Dill is constructed of easy-to-clean silicone and costs $54.95. You can purchase them together at a discount with one of the company’s “hamper” or bundle deals for some nice savings.

Some Final Notes & Thoughts

I hesitated greatly in writing this article. But as my lady friends and I hit a certain age, I feel it’s important to have these discussions. Surely I’m not the first woman to go through super early menopause or to have felt the embers dying in my sex life with my partner. And, as someone who cares about the planet and what I put onto and into my body, I definitely appreciate the options from The Natural Love Company to help me keep the home fires burning. And we are, after all, hopeless romantics here at Romance on the Rocks. Why not share some ideas and suggestions that may help our fellow bookish biddies? And Earth Day seemed like just as good as an excuse as any to write on this topic.

I hope these sustainable love options help you celebrate Earth Day as well as to love yourself and the planet.